It’s Christmas Eve. You may be hosting a get-together tonight or tomorrow or sometime over the next week.
You’re a delightful host and so, of course, your guests will want to stay into a night that is so deep. But you’re sleepy. What to do?
Try Dave’s Christmas jokes! I guarantee that by the second joke your guests will be yawning. By the third they’ll have their coats on. Before the fourth you’ll be collecting the stray glasses and plates and turning out the lights.
Did you know that Benjamin Franklin designed his own Christmas wreath? It’s true. It’s called A-Wreath-O-Franklin!
Legend has it that in merrie olde England two gallant horsemen rode through the countryside distributing gifts to children. One never spoke while the other had been in so many battles, his armor was pierced all over. You know what the children called them? Silent Knight, Holey Knight.
What’s a Christmas pastry that you can pick up for free? Stollen.
Did you know Santa, when not in his sleigh, likes to ride a bike? What does he sing while riding? “Do you gear what I gear?!”
Two things people don’t know about Santa: He has magical powers and a temper. A couple weeks before Christmas, Santa visited the elves in their workshop. He found them on an extended break and they were goofed on candy canes and hot chocolate. They were already behind on their quotas and Santa got so angry that, just to send a message to the elves union, he turned two of them into lawn ornaments. And do you know what those elves are singing this year? “I’ll be a gnome for Christmas!”
Seems Santa had to renew his sleigh driver license for another 100 years. While waiting, Santa filled out the form, but being 1,200 years old, his writing is kind of shaky. Anyway, the DMV worker called his number and Santa stepped up to the window and slid the form across to the guy. “Okay, Mr. Krisl Kringle,” said the DMV guy. Santa replied, “It’s Kris Kringle.” The DMV guy looked down at the form again and said, “No, see it says right here Krisl Kringle.” At that Santa lost his temper. “There is an L in the second name. But the first, no L!”
And to all, a good night.