Forensic Audit of Brandtjen’s Brain Requested

Medical researchers are asking for permission to do a forensic audit of the brain of Republican Rep. Janel Brandtjen of Menomonee Falls.

“Of course, we wish Rep. Brandtjen a long and happy life,” said Dr. Dan Broca. “But when that’s over we would love to get in there and try to understand what went wrong.”

Broca explained that what peeked researchers’ interest was Brandtjen’s seeming inability to process information and yet to function normally. “We understand that she can drive a car, sign her own name and navigate a grocery store. But when it comes to taking in data — even basic information that most of us, even young children, can process — her brain simply won’t turn obvious facts into simple, straightforward conclusions. It’s fascinating.”

Rep. Janel Brandtjen functions in many ways like a normal adult, yet exhibits a profound inability to process even simple information.

Broca gave as an example Brandtjen’s call this week for a forensic audit of the 2020 election. Brandtjen had travelled to Arizona to see such an audit there earlier this year. The audit, conducted by a firm calling itself Cyber Ninjas, uncovered no irregularities. Also, recounts in Wisconsin were completed at the request of the Trump campaign in Milwaukee and Dane counties, producing no major changes to the votes counted immediately after the election. In fact, election officials have reported a total of 27 cases of potential voter fraud out of 3.3 million votes cast.

Despite all that, Republicans have tasked the Legislative Audit Bureau with doing its own study of the election and Speaker Robin Vos has hired three investigators and a former conservative Supreme Court Justice to do still another probe. None of this has deterred Brandtjen.

“It’s really quite extraordinary,” said Broca. “We theorize that the left side of her brain — the part used to conduct rational analysis — just never developed, giving the right side — the creative side — more room to grow. So, it’s important not to judge. Yes, she’s deficient in terms of rational thought, but her fantasy life is extremely robust.”

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