This week’s quote comes to us from none other than Donald Trump who, in recounting a conversation with his new (now former) press secretary Katie Zacharia, said:
“Honestly, if I were you, I’d reconsider. Katie, do you need this? I don’t think you need this.”
- How long was Zacharia on the job?
A) Long enough to have a cup of coffee, but not long enough for it to get cold.
B) Long enough to have business cards ordered, but not long enough to ever use one.
C) Long enough to realize that apparently there’s a difference between “lawyer” and “attorney.”
D) Long enough to understand that her boss is an idiot.
2. Zacharia claimed to be a lawyer. She did graduate law school, but failed the California bar exam. I also can legitimately claim to be a lawyer because:
A) As a kid I watched every episode of “Judd: For the Defense.”
B) I did not pass the bar, but (gotcha!) in Wisconsin there is no bar exam if you graduated from the UW.
C) Let’s just ignore nitpickers who might point out that, while I did not pass a bar exam that I didn’t need to take in the first place and while I did graduate from the UW Madison, I did not attend the UW Law School, so they got me on a technicality. Are we just going to parse every damn thing to death now, people?
D) I do my own taxes every year and seldom have to pay over $100 for errors and interest.
3. The next White House press secretary is rumored to be:
A) Megan Fox.
B) Sydney Sweeney.
C) Karen McDougal.
D) They’re waiting to see who is selected 2026 Penthouse Pet of the Year.
4. Put these Trump press secretaries in order from shortest to longest serving:
A) Sean Spicer.
B) Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
C) Katie Zacharia.
D) Anthony Scaramucci.
5. Which of these qualifications is NOT listed in Trump’s press secretary job description?
A) Defend the boss no matter how inane his last statement may have been.
B) Lie when necessary. Oh hell, lie whenever the hell you feel like it.
C) Smear chocolate pudding on the chairs of reporters from CNN, MSNow and Politico.
D) Be an honest broker between the White House and the Fourth Estate.
6. What is Zacharia’s likely next job?
A) Ambassador to Greece.
B) Miss Tennessee.
C) Mrs. Donald Trump, Jr.
D) Move over Natalie.
Answers
1: All answers are acceptable to the judges.
2: None of the answers is acceptable.
3: Probably D, but you never know.
4: C, A, B. “The Mooch” was appointed Communications Director, not press secretary, but he only served for 10 days.
5: D.
6: We’re going to go with A as there’s an opening there.
