Stop With the Stupid Cards Already

I’ve received at least three postcards in recent weeks urging me to vote for Susan Crawford.

These postcards are handwritten and personally addressed to me and signed with the first name of somebody I don’t know. The cards were postmarked in California. Other friends and relatives have received the same kinds of cards from places like Illinois and New York.

Obviously, this is some sort of coordinated effort by the Democratic Party. I imagine there’s an Indivisible group that meets at a tea house in San Francisco. “Ok. Everybody got your red and blue pens and your stack of cards? Good. Now let me give you a little background on where these cards will be going. Do you ever wonder why it takes five hours to fly to New York or Boston? It’s because there’s all of this land that gets in the way.

“But here’s the thing. There are people down there. (Audible gasps.) That’s right. And these people are allowed to vote in their own elections. Some say they’re like us, but that’s not really true. For example, they have a limited vocabulary. Words like Latinx, intersectionality and BIPOC are unknown to them. (More gasps.) In one of these places, they have started to use “inseminated person.” (Cheers.) But actually only the governor in that state and some of his aides actually use it. Instead, they call these people “mothers” or sometimes “women.” (Groans of disgust mixed with pity.) So, when you’re writing your deeply personal notes to these perfect strangers, do not use any big words.

“Now, they’ll be voting in a race for something. That’s not important. What’s important is that Elon Musk is running against Jane Fonda. (Shouts of outrage and cheers mixed.) That’s right. Elon Musk wants to enslave these people in a massive act of settler colonialism. Only Jane can save them. But Jane is going by the name of…. (checks his notes)… Susan Crawford. (A question is raised.) No, not the Harvard law professor. I don’t know what she does. Anyway, she’s not Elon Musk. So, if there are no other questions. Remember. No big words. And use both your red and blue pens. Underline things. Use a lot exclamation points! These people like bright colors.”

Seriously. I don’t think it’s far off from that.

In the first place, how are they targeting voters? I’ve been a voter for the last 48 years and I’ll bet I’ve missed a half dozen elections (all of them February primaries) in that entire time. That’s on the public record. The party knows that you don’t need to get me to vote in an election that is my first chance to weigh in — by extension — on the convicted felon Donald Trump.

And second, I live in a ward that votes about 80% or more Democratic. All of which is to say, why is my party wasting resources on me at all? If I could vote three times for Susan Crawford — and from what I hear from Trump I guess I can — I would.

So, if these cards made any sense at all they’d be better directed at infrequent voters in places that were purple. But it’s still a stupid idea. For one thing, a postmark from California does not help you in Wisconsin. Lovely weather there, but it is the birthplace of every bad idea that now burdens the party.

But for another thing there’s a certain studied insincerity about it. The thinking seems to be that if I get a handwritten postcard from a stranger who is pretending to be familiar with me, somehow I’ll feel more inclined to vote for their candidate. I don’t get it. In fact, if I hadn’t already made up my mind, I’d be inclined to want to vote the other way. There’s a certain vague creep factor about this whole thing.

It’s just more evidence of how the Democratic Party leadership doesn’t have a clue. They think a little technical (or in this case, low tech) razzle-dazzle like this will actually make a difference, when the trouble is that the image of the party is worse than ever — with an approval rating of 29% compared to the Fascist-Republicans at 34%.

The trouble is fundamental — it’s about the image of the party as way too far to the left and concerned with issues that are trivial to average Americans — and it can’t be glossed over by this kind of phony sincerity.

Please. Stop those cards and letters from coming.

And in a related matter… Musk just announced that he’s coming to Wisconsin on Sunday evening. That’s good news for Crawford. It suggests that Schimel is desperate. His campaign has to know that Musk will just motivate liberals to vote for Crawford. Their calculation must be that Crawford has already topped out and that nothing he can say will produce any more votes for her. On the other hand, they must be lagging in votes from the disaffected young men who turned out for Trump in November. That’s why Musk is coming here.

YSDA stands for:

Free speech.

The rule of law.

Reason.

Tolerance.

Pluralism.