This week’s quote comes to us from none other than Pres. Joe Biden, who, in response to a question from George Stephanopoulos about how things went so horribly wrong at his debate against Donald Trump, had this to say:
“The whole way I prepared, nobody’s fault mine. Nobody’s fault but mine. I, uh, prepared what I usually would do, sitting down as I did, come back with foreign leaders or National Security Council for explicit detail. And I realized about partway through that, you know, I quoted The New York Times had me down 10 points before the debate, 9 now or whatever the hell it is. The fact of the matter is that what I looked at is that he also lied 28 times. I couldn’t, I mean, the way the debate ran, not — my fault, no one else’s fault — no one else’s fault.”
- Nervous Democrats responded by thinking:
A) Well, that razor sharp answer clears everything up. What a relief!
B) Ah, I see, so it was all that explicit detail from the NSA that confused him.
C) Notice how he worked in that thing about Trump lying 28 times? President Turn the Tables!
D) Oh… God… help us….
2. After the debate, a New York Times survey found that Trump’s lead among registered voters had grown to:
A) 10 points.
B) 9 points.
C) 8 points.
D) Whatever the hell it is now.
3. When Stephanopoulos asked Biden if he had watched a recording of the debate, he answered:
A) “Watched it? I watched it a dozen times. I scoured it and broke it down frame by frame with my team as I struggled to understand how I could have performed so abysmally and how I can assure that it never happens again.”
B) “No. Look, I messed up. I know that. I simply have to do better.”
C) “I caught some excerpts on Morning Joe the next day.”
D) After a long pause, “I don’t think so.”
4. What percentage of Americans now think Biden is too old for the job?
A) 85%
B) 74%
C) 69%
D) 47%
5. Fully 83% of Republicans think Donald Trump should be their nominee. What’s that same percentage among Democrats who think their nominee should be Biden?
A) 81%
B) 73%
C) 48%
D) 35%
6. Before his interview with Stephanopoulos, Biden held a rally in Madison. Where?
A) The UW’s Cognitive Research Lab.
B) The Madison Senior Center.
C) Sherman Middle School.
D) Nowhere in particular. He just sort of wandered around until a Silver Alert was issued.
7. What’s the best thing about Biden’s debate performance and his response to it?
A) It has cleared up this whole age thing once and for all.
B) It has increased the percentage of Republicans who want Biden to run.
C) It has spurred a national discussion of aging issues.
D) It has finally shut up Donald Trump.
8. Biden told Stephanopoulos that the only person who could convince him to get out of the race was:
A) Jill
B) Hunter
C) A visitation by his dead dad who would say, “Joey, you’re not a quitter, but son, sometimes, when your team is down, you have to let a better batter pinch hit for you.”
D) The Lord Almighty.
9. Contacted by ABC News after Biden’s remarks, the Lord Almighty said:
A) “Really? Is that all it takes? Well then, Joe, it’s time for you to give it up.”
B) “Jesus, I’ve been telling him this for months. I guess I must be whispering in his bad ear.”
C) “I have a wonderful plan for the election which will be revealed in the fullness of time. Hint: make it all about abortion.”
D) “I have always existed and will always exist, so I just don’t get this whole age debate thing.”
Answers
1: D
2: C
3: D
4: B
5: C
6: C
7: D
8: D
9: All answers are possible.
Last week we said that Biden’s cognitive decline was too serious to joke about. But after a week of his stubborn denialism he is all but assuring Trump’s return to office. Biden’s store of goodwill is all but gone. He’s earned mockery.
Yellow Stripes & Dead Armadillos 