We Must Ban Rainbows

Thank God for the Waukesha school district! They’re saving America from the vicious onslaught of rainbows.

A radical first-grade teacher in Waukesha had programmed Rainbowland by Miley Cyrus and Dolly Parton as part of the kids’ spring show. Then district administrators, led by courageous Superintendent James Sebert, got wind of the rainbows and shut them down quicker than you can say “paranoia runs deep.” (Note to self: this reminds me of another song that must be banned.)

And for good reason! Here are just some of the insidious lyrics that were being taught to tender young minds:

Let’s all dig down deep inside,

brush the judgment and fear aside,

Living in a Rainbowland,

where you and I go hand in hand.

See what I mean! If brushing judgement and fear aside isn’t the first step down the path to socialism, if not godless communism, then I don’t know what is.

In a recent news story, the teacher offered her weak excuse: “First-grade teacher Melissa Tempel said she chose the song because its message seemed universal and sweet.” Universal? You mean as in internationalist? As in One World Government? As in the United Nations?! As in Agenda 21?!!

But it gets worse. Not content with indoctrinating her charges with a song about human understanding, Tempel also included Here Comes the Sun and It’s a Wonderful World. You don’t think she knew what she was doing?

Here Comes the Sun is by the Beatles. The Beatles. The band that John Lennon said was more popular than Jesus. Yeah, so, technically a Gallup poll at the time found the Beatles’ approval rating just slightly ahead of the Savior of All Mankind, but it was well within the margin of error.

And as for It’s a Wonderful World, that song contains the line,

The colors of the rainbow 
So pretty in the sky

There they are again! Rainbows! They’re everywhere! Sebert’s a busy guy, I’m sure, but once he gets around to reviewing the lyrics to Wonderful World I’m sure he’ll have that piece of leftist propaganda dispatched as well.

And, as a matter of fact, Sebert had already banned rainbow flags and, apparently, all manifestations of rainbows, presumably including rainbow stickers, henna rainbow tattoos and, perhaps, Neapolitan ice cream from Waukesha schools. I’m not sure of this, but I believe that he has instructed that classroom window shades be drawn when rainbows appear in the sky. If he hasn’t, well, he should. Can’t be too careful.

Sebert has justified all this rainbow vigilance by claiming the Miley Cyrus song, and I guess a rainbow in general, is
“not appropriate for the age and maturity level of the students.” He’s got that half right. It’s well within the maturity level of most first-graders, but apparently well beyond that of their Superintendent.

Seriously folks, for those of us who think this is all just madness, we might find a little comfort in the last stanza from that Louis Armstrong classic.

I hear babies cry
I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more 
Than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself 
What a wonderful world

Thanks to their teacher, those first-graders will learn much more than James Sebert will ever know.