This week’s quote comes to us from Joan Payton, of the German Wirehaired Pointer Club of America. Payton was commenting on South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem’s revelation in a new book that she took a misbehaving puppy into a gravel pit and shot it to death.
“I’m not sure which thing she did was stupider: The fact that she murdered the dog, or the fact that she was stupid enough to publish it in a book,” said Payton.
- Noem isn’t the first politician to mistreat animals. Which of the following did NOT happen?
A) Mitt Romney strapped the family dog to the roof of his station wagon before setting off on a vacation.
B) Lyndon Johnson held up his Beagle (Little Beagle Johnson) by its ears.
C) Teddy Roosevelt shot everything in sight.
D) Richard Nixon, trying to get out from under a scandal about receiving gifts from special interest groups, took one of those gifts, a little dog his daughters had named Checkers, wrapped it in Pat’s cloth coat, and tossed it in the East River.
2. It is speculated that Noem made this revelation because:
A) Killing puppies is exactly the kind of thing she knows will impress Donald Trump as she vies to become his running mate.
B) There’s been a rumor going around South Dakota that she killed her dog out of blind anger and she is trying to put her own spin on it, which is that she killed her dog out of clear-headed anger.
C) Her new political consultant, George Santos, urged her to do it.
D) Noem has polling data suggesting that Americans are just sick and tired of being manipulated by their puppies.
3. Not content to just boast about killing her dog, Noem also revealed that she killed:
A) George McGovern.
B) Her husband.
C) Several liberal tourists who had wandered into South Dakota from the Twin Cities.
D) A goat.
4. The dog’s name was:
A) Cricket.
B) Croquet.
C) Badminton.
D) Jarts.
5. Noem claims that the story reveals:
A) Her ability to make hard choices.
B) Her strong belief that the Founding Fathers intended the Second Amendment as protection for Americans’ right to use firearms to murder their dogs.
C) The multiple uses for gravel pits. “They pave our roads and then they give us a place to kill our pets. Is there anything that gravel pits can’t do?”
D) She’s one stone cold bitch ready and able to kill another one.
6. Donald Trump is one of only three presidents not to have a pet while in the White House. Who are the other TWO?
A) James K. Polk.
B) Harry Truman.
C) Andrew Johnson.
D) Millard Filmore.
7. While Noem has now established the official Republican position on dogs (kill them), the traditional Democratic position on puppies was established, like many other aspects of the party, by Franklin Delano Roosevelt whose Scottish terrier, Fala:
A) Was a constant presence in the Oval Office.
B) Received a fresh dog bone every morning alongside the President’s breakfast tray.
C) Accompanied his master on overseas trips.
D) Was defended by FDR against Republican attacks during the 1944 campaign: “My family has suffered malicious falsehoods in the past, but I claim the right to object to libelous statements about my dog.”
8. In her book Noem also claims: “I remember when I met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. I’m sure he underestimated me.” What is peculiar about this claim?
A) She never met with Kim.
B) It’s impossible to underestimate her.
C) She confused meeting the leader of North Korea with meeting the leader of North Dakota.
D) While he is believed to have executed hundreds of people upon taking power and countless others since, Kim is said to dote on his dog.
Answers
1: D. In his famous Checkers speech, Nixon defiantly said that he would keep the dog.
2: B. And, no, you can’t make this stuff up.
3: D.
4: A.
5: A.
6: A and C.
7: All are true. Fala had been accused by Republicans of staying behind while on a trip with his master to the Aleutian Islands, resulting in FDR sending a destroyer to retrieve him.
8. A and B, but C is also a possibility.
Yellow Stripes & Dead Armadillos 