This week’s quote comes to us courtesy of a headline in the Wisconsin State Journal. The story was on the reintroduction of beer sales at UW football games and the headline read:
“Sale of Alcohol Appears Strong”
- Other startling headlines that might appear in the State Journal could be:
A) Sun to Rise in East this Morning, Set in West Later Today
B) Oxygen Found Necessary For Life
C) Researchers Establish Lake Mendota Largest of Area Lakes
D) Paul Soglin to Run for Mayor
2. The story went on to quote happy Badger fans who said:
A) “Huh. Beer and football. I never thought to put the two together but ya know it kinda works.”
B) “I stood in this line for an hour but it was more entertaining than watching the Badgers struggle to beat the Little Sisters of the Michigan Poor or whoever the hell we were playing today.”
C) “I feel special now, just like the high rollers who’ve been able to have a beer in their enclosed boxes all these years. Yeah, power to the people, man!”
D) “The way things are looking so far, anything to deaden the pain will be welcome.”
3. Interviewed outside of the stadium at their parties along Regent Street, fans had this take:
A) “To be responsible consumers of alcohol, we plan to cut our normal consumption of Bloody Mary’s and shots of Peppermint Schnapps in anticipation of having a beer or two at the game.”
B) “Rather than drinking our own Coors Light here in the parking lot we’d so much rather contribute to Luke Fickell’s $7.6 million salary by spending twelve bucks a pop on the same swill inside the stadium.”
C) “For so many years we’d start at 9AM with an eye opener and party on into the wee hours, but have the buzz interrupted by those three awful hours in the middle when we had to go to the game. Now it can all be one steady progression to barfing on State Street at the end of the evening. On Wisconsin!”
D) “Woooo! Woooo! Wooo!”
4. The Athletic Department initiated this change because:
A) They wanted to improve the fan experience.
B) They wanted to encourage alcohol consumption in more controlled settings.
C) They wanted to discourage fans from smuggling in containers of hard liquor.
D) $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
5. UW Athletic Director Chris McIntosh has staked his career on the surprise hiring of Fickell, whose first season was keenly disappointing and whose second season promises to be little better. In addition, he has approved policies alienating fans who purchased “permanent” bricks outside of the Shell and longtime hockey season ticket holders who were displaced by an ice sheet replacement. The UW has responded by:
A) Telling McIntosh to start checking the want ads.
B) Making more of his salary contingent upon performance of the football program.
C) Freezing his compensation for the foreseeable future.
D) Giving him a five-year contract extension and a $500,000 a year pay raise.
6. Fickell and his offensive coordinator Phil Longo champion the “Air Raid” offensive scheme. Air Raid refers to:
A) A relentless passing attack on virtually every play.
B) Strategic long passing plays to soften up the defense for the traditional Wisconsin running game.
C) Something akin to the fabulously successful “Veer Offense” of the legendary Wisconsin coach Don Morton.
D) A pattern in which the offense seems to crouch under their desks and wait for the nukes to blow them away.
Answers
1: All answers could be correct.
2: All answers are credible.
3: C and D seem most plausible.
4: D
5: D
6: Seems to be turning out to be C or D.
Yellow Stripes & Dead Armadillos 