Reviewing the Ten Commandments

The great state of Louisiana has mandated that a copy of the Ten Commandments be placed in each public school classroom in the state. Like you, I’m concerned about what kinds of stuff our kids are reading these days, so I thought I’d brush up on the document. Here, with insightful YSDA commentary, are those Ten Commandments. I take as my text the classic King James version.

And God spake all these words, saying,

 I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

(Ok, so right off the bat, we can see what’s going on here. God did the Jews a favor and he wants something in return. Very transactional. Also, as you read on and learn what kind of value system He’s going to impose, you might start to think they might have been better off with the Egyptians.)

 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

(He’s not messing around. First on the list is establishing His authority. The first commandment might have been something about, I don’t know, loving your neighbor or giving to charity or being a good friend, but no, the top rule is to never forget who’s boss.)

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

(Have you ever been to Notre Dame? The South Bend campus is a beautiful place, but you get to the football stadium and it’s ringed with statues of coaches. I mean, even Dan Devine has a statue. So this rule gets ignored even at Notre Dame, but anyway, wouldn’t this commandment essentially eliminate vast swaths of visual art? Bad idea.)

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

(This codicil often gets left out of stripped down modern versions, but I think it’s important to include because it gets us inside the mind of God. He comes right out and says that he’s a “jealous God.” While you have to appreciate the self-awareness, He goes on to say that He’s going to punish even the innocent kids of anybody who has the temerity to cross Him. On the other hand, if you stick with His program you’ll get rewarded. We’re only barely getting started here and already I don’t like this guy. Sorry, this Guy.)

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

(Here He switches to referring to Himself in the third person (although later we’ll find that He, in fact, is three people), But, for Christ sake, just last night I stayed up to watch the Brewers get walked off in the bottom of the ninth with two out and two strikes on the batter, and I sure as hell did take His name in vain, and if He was watching I’m sure He did as well, unless He’s a Padres fan, which come to think of it, He probably is.)

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

(I’m on board with this one. Everybody needs a day off. But here’s the thing. This may have seemed liberal thousands of years ago, but the labor movement has made a lot of progress since then. Does the Bible really mandate a six day work week? If so, let God take that up with the NLRB, and good luck with that.)

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

(Ok. I’m for it. No quibbles here.)

Thou shalt not kill.

(Louisiana is requiring that this be posted. Louisiana. Where 650 people have been executed and where 58 currently sit on its death row. Louisiana. Where 450 people were lynched on record and God knows how many that were never recorded. It might be worth posting the Ten Commandments in Louisiana schools just for this one alone. Let the kids reflect on the irony.)

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

(Well, okay, so generally speaking good advice here on multiple levels. But, people live complicated lives and so who are we to judge?)

Thou shalt not steal.

(Again, I’m with the program here. Though one might observe that Louisiana was a slave state and so stole the labor of countless Black people over generations. Not something that’s likely to be found in the Legislature-approved handy Ten Commandments Study Guide.)

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

(Perjury is a bad thing as is, more generally, lying about someone in any circumstance. Like, for example, claiming that Joe Biden leads a “crime family” when you yourself have been found liable for defrauding business partners of hundreds of millions of dollars.)

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

(When I was in first grade at St. Ignatius this one was taught as, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife,” which made the nuns somewhat uncomfortable. They’d just mumble something about this one not applying to us. Anyway, wives aside, coveting stuff your neighbors have is what drives the consumer economy. We follow this one and the whole economy goes belly up. It may be sound psychological advice but it’s just horrible economics.)

So, basically, when you add it all up I’m okay with about six of the Ten Commandments, depending on interpretation. Don’t kill, steal, lie or cheat on your spouse. Do respect your parents and take a vacation now and then.

My serious point about all this is that this is just another desperate attempt by hard-right Christian nationalists to put off the inevitable. Posting the Ten Commandments is a bad idea, not just because the document itself is flawed, but because it’s an effort to fight off what is a hell of a lot more fundamentally American than Christianity. My religion is pluralism.

For more on this, check out George Carlin’s classic routine. The Quote & Quiz tomorrow. Have a good weekend.