This week’s quote comes to us from none other than George Shea, the host of Nathan’s Hot Dogs annual hot dog eating contest. Shea was commenting on the loss of charismatic champion Joey Chestnut from this year’s event.
“It is like a gut punch,” Mr. Shea said. “To me this is a tradition; it is about New York; it is about the Fourth of July. But maybe that’s just me and not what this is like for everybody.”
- Well, what is it like for everybody?
A) They share Shea’s shock and sadness at the loss of Chestnut.
B) They’re hurt, but realize it’s time to move on to a new champion.
C) They wonder if Aaron Rodgers might be good at this.
D) There’s a hot dog eating contest? Who’s Joey Chestnut?
2. How many hot dogs did Chestnut down in ten minutes last year?
A) 102
B) 82
C) 62
D) 42
3. What caused the split between Chestnut and the contest?
A) Last year he threw up all over the stage.
B) He signed a contract with a rival vegan hot dog company.
C) He made public statements favorable to hamburgers.
D) He demanded to know “what’s actually in those damn things?”
4. Let’s just assume, just for the sake of the next question, that the answer to #3 is B. What would be the name of the vegan hot dog company?
A) Impossible Foods.
B) Virtue Signaling Foods.
C) Inedible Foods.
D) Responsible Franks.
5. What’s the name of the official governing body for this and other eating contests?
A) Major League Eating.
B) The National Eating League.
C) The American Eating Association.
D) You’re making this up. This is too stupid. There is no such body.
6. In addition to wanting to shill for vegan hot dogs, which of these was NOT a demand that Chestnut made as a condition of his appearance this year?
A) An increase in his appearance fee.
B) Freedom to participate in another dog eating contest on Labor Day.
C) Permission to livestream that Labor Day event.
D) More flexibility in condiment choices, allowing him to consume some dogs with mustard and onions in addition to others with ketchup and sauerkraut
Answers
1: D
2: C
3: B
4: A
5: A
6: D
Well, frankly, it’s been a doggone long week. I’m going to mustard the energy to ketchup on some exercise this weekend.
Yellow Stripes & Dead Armadillos 